There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
