We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
