you guys were way drunker than both of me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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