So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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