I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
