Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He? As in you personified your dick?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
