I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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