I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
