I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
