# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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