I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
