please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize