But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
