oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
