I wanna bring you to show and tell
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
