I don't usually arrange sex via text message
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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