glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
