There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
