My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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