so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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