no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
