Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
