Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you never un-have a 4some
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
