dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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