how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
