my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
