Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
