jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
