I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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