This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
