Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
