I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
...so i touched it.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
