recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
