thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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