I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He did a backflip because drugs
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
