I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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