Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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