Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
