God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize