Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
