respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
no you cant smoke seaweed
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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