first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
