her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
