Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
