We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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