I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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