The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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