Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
