just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize