Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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