He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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