It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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