can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
