I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
