Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
id be glad to
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
