was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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