he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
