Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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