am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
