Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Non-Jews are for practice
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
