You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
