On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Pants 0. Shit 1.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
