he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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