We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
