i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
