I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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