and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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