Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
