Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
