if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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