He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize