i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
