so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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