the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
