halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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