I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
