ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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