I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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