if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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