This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
