My nipple is on Facebook.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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