I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
