I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
