How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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