Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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