its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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