he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
third nipple confirmed
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
