I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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